Food for Thought: Change

Change is in the atmosphere. Change is all around us at all times. How often do we accept it and in what forms? Five dimes and two quarters? One ten, one five, and five ones? These are acceptable. What about clothes? We change our clothes on a daily basis. Seasons? Never a problem going from winter to spring. We expect it and we accept it. It's normal and in those instances change is good. The metamorphosis from a caterpillar to a butterfly, once again completely acceptable. It's common and there is science to explain it all. Why is it that we do not accept it when people change? We

acknowledge that circumstances change all the time and people change with different circumstances. It seems unfathomable that someone could wake up, look in the mirror and realize a mental metamorphosis is needed but it does happen. A lot of help is needed and I'll get to that later but it has to start from within yourself. No one can make you change, you have to be a willing participant. One problem is people do not like change. Not necessarily the person who wants to make the change but the people around that person. Why is that? Why is it so hard for some people to encourage their 'friends' when they feel they need to do something different? Another problem is a lot of people do not believe in change or at least the change in a person is authentic. People who successfully change their way of thinking must always prove to everyone around them that the change is real and a new person now occupies an ancient body. First time there is a slip up or a seemingly relapse back to old ways and everyone says, "See, I knew it was all fake!" That doesn't mean that a change has not occurred as people still make mistakes regardless of a new mentality or not. The most important aspect is if you feel you have changed and it will not matter what everyone else thinks. Also you will discover who your real friends are as they will accept your change and even change along with you. The easiest, most sustainable and only way to change is through faith and indisputable belief in God. God will guide everyone and set the path to restore a mind that was headed for failure. Ever wonder why you're not happy but everything seems to be going well? Ask yourself, when was the last time you praised God? You'll begin to see all the things you think are important really doesn't matter. The most important things and valuable things in life all come at no cost - air, family, love, God. Often we seek pleasures and become entangled in a perpetual cycle of ephemeration. The more things we have, the more we need. The more pleasurable feelings we experience, the more we can't live without them. All short lasting, all increasing your desires. We can all benefit from change and we should actively encourage others to change for the better. Just remember when someone does go through the change, don't doubt them as when we doubt we are really wishing for failure of that person. No one says anything and actively wish to be wrong. Words are powerful as once they are spoken, intentions will follow. Rather than saying, "I hope it's an authentic change, but I don't think it is" which is tantamount to saying, "Once they go back to how they were you'll see I was right" try saying "I hope it's an authentic change and I will help to make sure it is." Positivity breeds more positivity and it will come back around to you; same with negativity. There is nothing irreparable except a willing capitulation to the status quo. This is food for thought, the dishes are waiting for you.

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Scenario: Mother & Son

Mother Problems & Perspective

Candace, 42 lives in Houston, thought she was ready for kids but really wasn’t. She had her son, Richard, when she was 24 years old. She didn’t abuse Richard but was never there for him the way she needed to be. She didn’t understand what being a parent meant. Richard’s dad is nowhere in the picture, so she raised him alone. She still wanted to live the life of a young adult woman and ignored her real responsibilities to Richard. When Richard was 14, Candace had enough and abandoned him for a man. She later realized the magnitude of the mistake she made. Although things didn’t work out with her and the guy something had changed in her. She began to have a more positive outlook on life and restored her faith in God. Her top priority became mending her relationship with Richard who is now 18 and lives in Phoenix. She tries her hardest to let him know that she made a mistake she would regret forever. She regrets the pain she caused him but she doesn’t regret the action as she believes she would never have become the person she is today had she not done it. She is happy with who she has become and she knows that she can appreciate and be there for Richard more now than she could ever have before. She lives for him now and she wants nothing more than for him to see that. He is somewhat receptive and

those days they talk are the best minutes and hours of her life. She used to seek pleasure but now she realizes all she wants is happiness. Pleasure was what she received from her nights with men and being the center of attention as she is extremely attractive. She thought pleasure equaled happiness but now she knows happiness will be her son calling her mom again. She looks forward to spending more time with him but she is unable to see him daily so she only can rely on phone and text conversations. The fact is she really has changed. She has taken steps to make herself happy as she never really was before. She never liked her job and always said she was a Christian but never followed the path. Now she is very spiritual and she has taken steps to get into a career path she will enjoy. She used to make excuses about school but now she loves and is thriving in college. The only thing she is missing is her family which she is very determined to get back. She even told him she tried to mentor teenagers and help them get on the right path. She saw it as a way to prove to herself she was ready and capable of being a mother. She knows that if he accepts her back in his life and she messes up, there is no coming back. That doesn’t concern her as she knows that he is all that matters to her. He came to visit her one time and everything was wonderful. It was the best time of her life to that point and all she wants to do is relive that over and over. She doesn’t know how to convey that she was a different person before and he can trust her now as she would always protect him and never hurt him again. She really understands why it is so hard for him to trust her again and it breaks her heart more than anything. She knows she has changed and knows what her intentions are but getting someone else whom she’s already hurt to believe it is almost an impossible task. She knows the odds but has made a promise to herself she will never give up. She knows she really doesn’t deserve him but she wants to be there. Most importantly she only wants him to be happy even if it means she never gets the relationship back.

What should she do?

Son Problems & Perspective

Richard, 18 lives in Phoenix, is a strong young man but can’t let go of the things he has been through specifically his mom leaving him for another man. She was never there for him in any meaningful capacity when he was growing up and he remembers who she was. It made him stronger now but those times were so rough it has left him unable to really trust or put his heart into anyone. He just wants to be happy and sometimes he experiences moments of happiness in other people that fade away. He really needed his parents but he never knew his dad and his mom abandoned him so he really hated her. He’s learned to forgive her but he can’t forget.

Now she has contacted him and wants to restore their relationship. After some pleading and time he decided to engage in conversations with her. He really enjoys when they talk. One time he went to visit her and she was completely different and they had a great time together. He really felt as if he finally had a mother. He wants to believe her and believe she has changed because when they talk she is different than before. He still cannot get over what she did to him in the past which makes it extremely difficult for him to trust her. He may never trust her and she says she accepts how he feels but will continue to try. He feels if they were closer it would be easier but the fact is they are far away. He would like to see her more often but honestly he is scared he may be going back down the highway of torture again. She says she has a place for him and she would like nothing more than for him to come live with her. She is even suggests he come stay for a week and then maybe for the summer. She says she has changed for the better and he is the most important person in her life. He wants to believe that but asks himself what if she turns out to be the same as before and he finds out only after he has let down the wall he has built? He is fine where he is now but he would like to move somewhere else. He hopes that she is telling him the truth but his mind always reverts back to what she did to him. He is happy she appears to be a changed, better person but he is not ready to completely buy in yet. Furthermore he is hurt that he had to endure pain when he needed her most for her to change her life. He understands what she was trying to do but doesn’t necessarily like the fact that she tried to mentor other kids when she didn’t do anything for him. He does appreciate that she is passionately trying to become an active part of his life now but he really needed her before. He sees that she is trying hard and sometimes he feels she may be trying too hard. He doesn’t see her the same way she sees him. If he could ever get to the point she is at it would be wonderful but he is not there yet and may never be there. She says she knows she messed up and understands his feelings but sometimes she may be putting her feelings ahead of his. She says she is only trying to express herself and show him it is different now but is willing to step back and give him room to breathe if that’s what he desires. He doesn’t believe it is too late for her now but there are huge hurdles she will have to jump over before he goes back to a full-fledged mother son relationship. He misses her but his heart can only take so much and he is not ready to become vulnerable again.

What should he do?

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